Saturday, February 17

Grinds my Gears - Part 1

You know what really grinds my gears?

When I’m at the traffic crossing waiting for the lights to change and a guy comes up and presses the button again.

It’s like “Hey! Jackass! I’m right here! You think I’m so stupid I didn’t know I was supposed to press the damn button? You think I’ve never used a pelican crossing before? You think it’s a pay per click thing? Like only the tenth click gets you any money? Or maybe you just think that the button is like your wife’s intimate area and pressing it loads will make the little green man come?

“Or hey, maybe I didn’t actually want to cross the street! Maybe I’m standing here because I like breathing in car fumes? Doesn’t that sound good to you? In fact, I didn’t even know that bloody great big box and all them pretty little lights even did anything. I thought it was a miniature version of Broadway right here in my quaint little town. I was just enjoying the show and trying to work out where to buy tickets!

“Frigging Jackass.

“Hey wait, hey wait a minute! You pressed the button and the light changed. How’d you do that? I’ve been doing it the wrong way? It never changes like that for me! Hey! hey wait…”

6 comments:

Martlake said...

Revealed at last! The definitive test for whether a guy is straight or gay!

A gay guy will press the button the button at a crossing an absolute maximum of only once. That way he gets to stare for the maximum of time at pictures of men in public without any straights giving him a hard time over it!

And I always thought I was just being patient...

The Freelance Cynic said...

...What?...

Martlake said...

Sorry - straight guys just come up and pound the button whether there's someone stood there or not.

Gay guys will just be happy to stare at a (little red) man until they give him the green light...

Sometimes I can be so oblique. I wish I could blame it on the medicine...

Lisa said...

First off - 'grinds my gears' - I love that phrase - I'm totally stealing it!!

And I totally agree on the button thing - we don't have such fancy boxes over here..just one stupid little button - but, if another person walks up - they will definitely push the button!

Hello? What am I? Chopped liver?

It's nuts!

Angelika said...

LOL!

The Freelance Cynic said...

Martlake - I had a feeling you meant that but didn't want to assume.
Lisa - I stole 'Grinds my Gears' from Family Guy who in turn stole it from Mark Barlow, so you may as well be the next person to steal it.
And Angelika - Sometimes the simplest response says it all.

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