Tuesday, February 13

My Chatterbox

Thank You for all your comments. Your words of encouragement, advice and anecdotes mean more than you realise (unless of course you have a really big ego.) I was expecting people to post things like, ‘Stupid idiot. Get a life and be funny again.’

Feel free to post that now if it will make you feel better...
  1. Talk
  2. Get off the Web
  3. Get Healthier
  4. Leave the House
  5. Join some Clubs
  6. Say Yes
  7. Spoil Myself

The first stage to Becoming Me is to break my negative thought patterns, so I’ve been keeping a metaphorical eye on my brain today.

I have an entertaining negative voice. It says things like this.

“I’m not going to succeed at this. I’ve failed before after all and I’ll fail again. I used to be confident and interesting and happy and I’m only going to fail again so I don’t know why I even bother anyway, I might as well just give up now, no one really cares anyway and if I’ll give up they’re just forget me, they probably want me to get back to being funny anyway and Ooh a Penny!”

I’ve been replacing the negative thoughts with more constructive positive ones but this isn’t always as productive as it sounds. For example ‘I can’t seem to sell anything today’ quite easily turns into ‘I ‘m a good salesman and will get a sale next time’ which is quite motivating even if it didn’t actually get me a sale today. However, transforming the thought ‘What if my Boyfriend Dies?’ into ‘Think of all the money I’ll get from the insurance,’ seems somewhat less encouraging.

It’s hard going today. I keep falling into random depressed hits and have to remember to talk myself back from the ledge, none of which is helped by the fact that I’m currently the furthest from target in my team at work. I’m no good at being last, it reminds me of P.E. I was always last then and people used to laugh at me, and I was fat and stupid, and no one liked me, and I hated school so much and Ooh a Penny!

Clearly, I have a ways to go.

Tomorrow – talking to friends and co-workers...
I'm really quite dreading it.

4 comments:

Angelika said...

Very funny. :-)

"Oh a penny" was my favorite part, LOL.

Martlake said...

Sorry it's taken a while to comment, Si. Had trouble logging in for the last few days. Did you miss me? :-)

It sounds as though my inner voice is the same as yours. I always wondered where it went after it had finished butchering what little self-esteem I'd managed to build up while it wasn't looking.

I'm really enjoying your current theme and I hope you are too. It's getting to the point where I could almost imagine paying to read your stuff! Sadly I'm skint, so I couldn't afford more than say... Ooh a penny! ;-)

Ps said...

What?!! I thought the insurance money would cheer you up--being the freelance cynic and all that!

The Freelance Cynic said...

Yeah, I did think of making the insurance money a good point, but it felt a little low, even for me...

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