Aversion Therapy

Oh, I see! I try to talk to people and you guys get jealous and stop talking to me!
Or, maybe I’m just being boring at the moment. Geez…

1. Talk
2. Get off the Web
3. Get Healthier
4. Leave the House
5. Join some Clubs
6. Say Yes
7. Spoil Myself

So I spoke to people at work. It wasn’t as I imagined. I am, for example, still alive.

They were discussing aversion tactics when threatened by a drunken lout. Now, I consider myself an expert on this, having been in several bars and not being beaten up in any of them. Plus, having read Derren Brown's, Tricks of the Mind, I know rather a good way to get out of it.

The trick is to talk about something completely different. For example, if being threatened with a knife you talk about the monsoon season in Bangladesh. “It rains for months you know! And because they’ve cut down loads of trees everything gets flooded as well. The water is like this high.” The confident randomness makes you appear unafraid and in a place of power whilst confusing your assailant and giving you time to get away.

I mentioned this in the conversation, but due to nerves, intimidation and trying too hard to seem intelligent it sounded like this. ‘You know Derren Brown system to it make strange speak no sense make burble-weep.’

They looked at me for a moment, confused and intimidated (proving at least that it works.) ‘Yeah!’ they said, and went back to ignoring me.

Luckily, there’s a gay guy sitting with our team at the moment so I spoke to him about gaydar profiles and butts instead…

That, at least, is something I am an expert on.