Sunday, April 1

Freelance Cynic - Conspiracy Theorist

I'm not a believer in conspiracy theories having my own conspiracy theories about them, but recently I inadvertently proved one true.

There was a beautiful moon out, a Daz-white Crescent, set starkly against the darkest sky, served on a bed of stars, sparking like eyes in the heavens.

Struck by its beauty I took a photo.

No moon. No stars. Just black.

I tried again. The same thing. For a while I wondered if my camera-phone was broken. Then I remembered that the same thing happens when I take pictures of my TV. The refresh rate on the screen causes interference on the camera and the image comes out completely black.

What other explanation can there be? The moon is a fake - a projection.

There are various other conclusions to draw from this.

  • There must be something to project on. Therefore the entire night sky, instead of being a blanket of atmosphere around the earth, is in fact a large blank canvas sheet.
  • As satellite technology is a relatively new phenomenon the moon must be too. Therefore historic literature and records mentioning the moon are fake. Thus all history is fake.
  • Therefore the world has existed only for around 70 years.
  • Therefore anyone older than that must have been created by an alien race and pre-programmed to believe in a history that never was. This is why their stories never make sense.
  • Therefore Aliens exist and live among us.
  • If there is no moon then the Tides are not caused by its gravity. They must be caused by a pod of humpback whales breathing in and out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean
  • If there are no stars then space exploration is impossible. NASA is in fact the party headquarters of the American Government (Not Amazingly Sober Attorneys)
All of which brings us to our inevitable, earth shattering, conclusion.

The Moon Landings Were Faked!

To think that the American Government could lie to us like that…


Dale said...

This is why Britain was invented just over 40 years ago today, to expose the lies and hypocrisy. Trouble is, those damned projections are so pretty, we want to believe! I applaud your attempt but sadly, it may fail.

etain_lavena said...

aahhh man, I so was convincing myself everything will be again I am doubtfull..arrrgggg...darn conspiracy world...boohooo;(

CSL said...

Or, you might try putting your camera on the setting for sports/action which closes the shutter really quickly. Just a thought. I get great photos of the moon all the time and post them - but maybe they are fakes put there by the government to distract me from everything else they're doing. Hard to say.

ally said...

ah, the truth is finally out. i thought the moon looked odd last night.

( moon shots don't turn out either)

Lee said...

This is a well-thought out and logical theory, but what do you make of the tides then? And werewolves? You can't possibly be trying to tell me they aren't real too!?

The Freelance Cynic said...

Dale - All the best conspiracy theories fail on their first hearing, but I expect one day to be interviewed by the enquirer

Etain - You think that's bad you should research the 9/11 conspiracy.

CSL - Are you suggesting it may have been a fault in my camera rather than a logical chain of absurd reasoning? Much more likely that your camera is rigged to take 'fake' moon photographs using wireless links to the projection satellite.

Ally - The moon has always looked odd. I have yet to work out why it has been designed that way.

Lee - Tides as explained are caused by humpback whales breathing. As for werewolves, they exist, as well documented by Hollywood, but respond ferociously to the Image of the Full moon rather than any mysticial power it may emit.
Rather like placing a picture of a half naked Brad Pitt in front of a middle age woman.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

ahhh the enquirer. they'll get to the bottom of this! smiles, bee

etain_lavena said...

no thanks, I am paranoid enough already:)

Ps said...

Maybe the moon is just too far away--but what abt the TV? Will ask my 'intelligent engineer friend'(tyler durden) to give an explanation--probably he will.

The Freelance Cynic said...

Bee - Well they better! Cos I can't think of any paper more qualified!

Etain - Realy. What's that behind you?

Ps- wow to be honest it just comes out with lines across the screen, not black. but um, I wanted to prove my point :)

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