Winning Friends

One of the problems with being a dyed in the wool cynic is that I’m allergic to dye and hate wearing wool. The two together make me break out in a rash, which is especially annoying when I wear my black knitwear Y-fronts.

But also, my cynical persona, which when edited for internet viewing makes me seem suave, intelligent and captivating, is somewhat less appealing in the real world. People don’t stay close friends with me for very long. Obviously they feel threatened by my generally superior personality, and fantastically good looks and thus fade into the background like ex-Big Brother Housemates. This does wonders for my ego but is less welcome when 50 party invites get returned to me marked ‘ADDRESS UNKNOWN”

So I brought ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People.’ I have a dangerous obsession with self help books, which was largely the reason I had to buy a new bookcase. Normally, like all self help book addicts, I read the books once and then put it on my bookcase to make me look smart and self actualized. But this time I’ve decided to follow the exercises and see if it pays off, or at least makes up for the £9 price tag. .

Maybe, if I can master all the techniques, I’ll be the next Richard Branson and not the next Bristol suicide.

So over the next few days, or until I get bored, I will be trying out one tip from the book a day, recording my success, my failures and my general good looks on this page here.

And it begins today with Principle 1: Don’t Criticise, Condemn or Complain

Damn Dale Carnegie taking away the three highlights of my day...

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