Shelved

So I ran out of bookcase space again.

Normally, I go to Amazon and sell some old books to free up space, but generally speaking this causes me pain. Firstly, I always want to reread the books about 2 days after selling them, and secondly I almost always spend more money on new Amazon books than I make selling the old ones.

So I decided it would be cheaper, and less painful this time, just to buy a new bookcase

Being British, and thus overly keen on DIY, Ikea is my best friend, and I can waste whole hours walking up and down the aisles, wondering at the cheap prices and the efficient Swedish Design. And being English I enjoy gorging on the cut-price hotdogs and loading my pockets with the free pencils. It’s the perfect day out!

I found a 6’ bookcase that was cheap enough and tacky enough to please me and then faced the real problem of getting it home. I don’t drive and refused to pay the extra £5 cab fare. So I decided, being the strong man I am, to carry it, and started to walk home with 20kg of flat-pack resting on my shoulder.

I got about 8 steps before running out of energy. My shoulder was killing me, my legs buckling. I turned to see how far I’d come and banged the box on the sides of the exit door.

I still had at least a half hour walk ahead of me.

Lifting the box again I struggled forward, three or four steps, followed by a 10 minute rest, before trudging homeward again, until finally, after what seemed like years, I reached the house, stumbled in the door and collapsed. Any belief I had of myself as a macho-man had faded along with the sensation in my shoulder. The carpet I had crumpled onto was wonderfully soft, the relaxation running through my body like heroin through my veins, And then the bookcase fell on top of me…

So now I have a new set of shelves in my room with space for all the new books I want to buy. But I won’t be buying any for a while. It may have been cheaper to buy a new bookcase, but it certainly wasn’t less painful.

And at the moment, just the sight of a new book makes my shoulders ache...

Previously Painful Prose

• Wheels on Fire
• Warner Busers
• Green