Review of Week 2 - Get off the Web.

1. Talk
2. Get off the Web
3. Get Healthier
4. Leave the House
5. Join some Clubs
6. Say Yes
7. Spoil Myself

The last week has not been a success.

I’ve lied to myself, stared at a blank computer screen, tidied my room, bathed and ate - pretty much a normal week except for the whole tidying my room and bathing thing.

Other than that all I’ve really done is read, and my books can’t take many more rereads before they fall apart enough to be sold on Amazon.

This may have been the wrong point to try this stage. After all, there’s no benefit in spending time off the web if I don’t have anything else to fill the gap with; I just get bored in a whole new way, kind of like watching the latest bond movie.

And I’m bored right now, which is why this looks it was written by a catholic monk. I imagine they must get quite bored too.

After all, monks don’t have the Internet…

How to keep an idiot busy

1. Talk
2. Get off the Web
3. Get Healthier
4. Leave the House
5. Join some Clubs
6. Say Yes
7. Spoil Myself

Yesterday I sat down and spoke comfortably to people during both my first and second break. It was bizarre, and an experience I haven’t felt in a while. Kind of like physical contact with a human being.

Then I came home and surfed the web, looking at my bank account, because again, that doesn’t really count does it! I think I’ll only find it easy to get off the web when I have friends and activities to fill the gap, or just a whole load of new porn.

For those of you still on the web, this beauty of a site may keep you occupied for longer than you imagine. I'm afraid to say it kept me busy for longer than I care to admit...

Relapse, don't do it

1. Talk
2. Get off the Web
3. Get Healthier
4. Leave the House
5. Join some Clubs
6. Say Yes
7. Spoil Myself

With nothing to do and boredom kicking in I found myself sitting at my PC last night clicking between pages on Google Analytics. I've had 842 unique hits since the blog was created, 1,752 page views. 55% of my viewers use Firefox, 42% use internet explorer, and only 47% of my visitors were me.

In my head there was nothing wrong with my repetitive clicking. It wasn't really surfing, just Google, just filling time. But that's what I used to do, mindlessly flick between pages while life rushed past me. I have nothing to fill the gap with at the moment. I've read my Stephen King Collection, started and got bored with Tom Holt, Watched my Simpsons' downloads and DVDs, typed the whole of Edgar Allen Poe's the Raven from heart, had three baths, and spent a ridiculous amount of time staring at the Google homepage.

I need to find something to do in the meantime. I'm working late today. So long as it isn't raining I'll go to the park, watch the ducks, maybe to do some writing.

I'll probably end up staring at the skater boys though and wondering how to get them to comment on my blog.

09:41
Should really open the curtains before I write this things. Raining like a Gene Kelly Musical out there...

Click

1. Talk
2. Get off the Web
3. Get Healthier
4. Leave the House
5. Join some Clubs
6. Say Yes
7. Spoil Myself

It's the strangest thing.

I have time on my hands and not the slightest idea what to do with it. I find myself sitting at my PC clicking the Send/Receive button repetitively on Outlook as surely that can't be counted as using the web.

At other times I've decided that I simply must just check something on Wikipedia, say a review of the most hated Simpson episode The Principal and the Pauper, and that doesn't count as using the Internet - it’s research, even if I don't need that research for any reason.

I've now read all of Stephen King's Carrie, watched the latest Simpsons and Family Guy episodes (downloaded, but I wasn't actually using the web,) and even spent time with my Boyfriend.

Part of me believes that I will reap the benefits of this crazy experiment, gaining more time and a more interesting life and should therefore keep going. The more stubborn part however, is convinced that the web existence of myself is the only interesting thing about me.

Well... that and my expanding collection of Stephen King books.

Five minutes till Curtain Up

1. Talk
2. Get off the Web
3. Get Healthier
4. Leave the House
5. Join some Clubs
6. Say Yes
7. Spoil Myself

It’s harder than I imagined.

My web clock is reading 1 hour and 20 minutes and that’s in the space of one day, not including time checking e-mails or chatting on MSN, which must have counted for at least an extra hour, as people want to talk to me all of a sudden.

The hardest part though was actually unplugging the internet.

‘But I won’t be able to see who’s reading my blog.’
‘You can always check tomorrow,’ my brain said.
‘But I won’t be able to get my e-mail to see if anyone comments.’
‘Tomorrow.’
‘I won’t be able to surf for new funny things to post.’
‘Tomorrow.’
‘If I get horny I won’t be able to search for por…’
‘Tomorrow, tomorrow, I’ll love ya tomorrow! You’re only a day away!’

I paused for a moment.
‘Why you singing show tunes?’
‘Because you’re gay,’ my brain said.
‘Oh. Ok…’

I’m running out of things to do. I’ve already read Stephen King's Dolores Claiborne and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory including all the special features. I’ve even, God help me, watched My Boyfriend playing Fuzion Frenzy 2 on the x-box.

And I have at least 6 days of this left to go.

If I haven’t murdered my brain by the end of this week, it will only be because he’s a good singer.

Anti-boredom Campaign

Found this brilliant video over at THE FUN HUNT! quite possibly my favourite blog on the whole of the web. Next to my own of course.


As to my get off the web campaign I've failed already! Go me!
Thank goodness failure is the first step to success. Well it is, at least, if you believe George Bush.

Part 2 - Get off the web

1. Talk
2. Get off the Web
3. Get Healthier
4. Leave the House
5. Join some Clubs
6. Say Yes
7. Spoil Myself

Now I know some of you are worried about this one…

After all, how can I produce works of genius and keep you entertained if I’m not on the web? How will you cope without me?

Well, there are two possible options. Firstly you can come to my house and watch me perform card tricks whilst reciting Shakespearean soliloquies or I can keep using the web. As I really don’t want you in my house, and my sleight of hand isn’t as strong as it used to be, I’m favouring the second option instead.

So rather than eliminate the web from my life, like a maid with a feather duster, I’m simply adapting my lifestyle.

Presently my life follows a remarkably dull pattern like a work of unimaginative modern art. I wake up, surf the net, go to work, come home, read some blogs, watch most haunted, stumble the Internet and go to bed.

There are of course such essentials as eating, showering and beating up my boyfriend inter spliced into the routine, but one major element (apart from masturbation) takes up most of my day and it is this sheer amount of web use that I want to eliminate – not ban use of the web itself as an Amish man may do after discovering cable porn.

My aim is to limit my surfing 30 minutes a day. This means 30 minutes of actual surfing not including page loading time, as measured by Time Tracker.

I hope this will encourage (force) me to discover more interesting and useful things to fill my time with such as reading, talking to my boyfriend, or maybe, Heaven forbid, even venturing outside.

As usual I will keep you posted, probably in much shorter entries, and I will visit your blogs from time to time but as my Internet will be unplugged for 23 Hours and 30 minutes every day that may be harder than you imagine.

It is a challenge I am excited to be taking part in. But God only knows what I will do if I need to order pizza…