'........'

I never get ill, so it’s annoying that I'm ill at the moment.

I'm losing my voice. Now normally that wouldn't be a problem, I could lie in bed, stricken and pale, and write down what I need making my loved ones do my bidding in fear that I may hit them with my stick.

But I've never lost my voice before. My larynx has always served me admirably. But now, that I work in a call centre it’s gone on strike and is demanding workers rights, minimum wage and holidays

Not being able to miss work for a sore throat however, I have to croak down the phone to old ladies in Devon who can't understand what I'm saying at the best of times.

Perhaps it's time to look for a different job, one where I don't have to talk, engage with anybody or even look happy.

Guess it’s back to the checkouts at Tesco then.