Like many Coastal towns Dawlish is suffering from rising sea levels and may soon be lost to the sea.
But Dr Richard Mangrove of the Dawlish Investigation into Coastal Erosion (DICE) has a solution.
According to a paper published by him in the Church Newsletter scientists have been addressing the wrong issue. The problem is not global warming as normally cited.
“I first thought of it when I was walking past the wishing well in town,” Dr Mangrove told us in an exclusive interview, “and suddenly it all made sense. It was the wishes that were causing the damage."
He believes that trillions of pennies thrown by wishers into rivers, lakes and wells worldwide have been washed into the sea, causing water to be displaced.
"A single penny is only around 6.28 x 10-13 m3 so it may seem one wish is no more than a drop in the ocean. But over time, like interest, it begins to mount up." In 2006 sea levels rose by almost two millimetres.
“100 years ago people were poorer and a penny couldn’t be wasted,” he explained, sitting by the now boarded-up well that first gave him the idea, “But what with inflation, and an increased belief in Wicca, people are more eager than ever to throw coins, runes and magical amulets into flowing water than ever before. And that will be the end of us all.”
The World Governments are keenly seeking solutions based on this new understanding.
Current plans involve installing magnets on the bottom of vessels to recover the coins from river and ocean beds, an idea which has rapidly gained popularity despite the fact that most world currency is not magnetic.
There is no agreement as yet as to what the recovered money, if any, will be used for. The Chancellor of the Exchequer however, has reported that it ‘will not be used to make dreams come true.’
England and parts of America will also be launching an advertising campaign urging people to ‘Wish upon a Bank.’
As for Dr Mangrove, he had but one wish left to make. “Every time people have a wish, every time they dream, and every time they just want to make a splash in a flowing stream, a little bit of Dawlish disappears into the sea,” he said. “All I wish is that people will stop making wishes forever.”
And taking a penny out of his pocket, he kissed it and embraced it tightly in his hand, before turning away and depositing it into his bank account.
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Saturday, April 7
Look After the Pennies...
Link to the Freelance Cynic or add it to your favourites and win 250 free blog hits. Click here to find out more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)