Friday, January 4

Wedding Day Blues

There was a time when weddings were simple. All that was required was a broken condom and a shotgun. There was none of this fuss with wedding lists, or Evening Entertainment, or cake; just a night of unbridled passion followed by a life time of being bridled.

Our wedding was meant to be simple too. It was supposed to be about our feelings for each other, about promising to spend our lives together until we waste away together in a nursing home eyeing up the young carers.

Somehow, it got confused.

Because now it's about everyone else. It's become less of a fairy tale wedding and more like the Rocky horror Picture Show. Madness takes control.

Forget Love, our wedding is about seating arrangements and table decorations and dessert choices and photographers and accommodation and suits and best people and loans and family politics and scatterfetti and party poppers and invites and speeches and wine and transport and tiny chocolates...

And money, always about money.

At present, I'd be quite happy to forget about the wedding and skip to the honeymoon, just like I managed to forget being born. These things just aren’t major life events.

But over Christmas ,when I was lying in bed on my third consecutive night away from Dan, my thoughts were dancing round my mind like a raver in a army obstacle course. And I realised, slowly, that without Dan lying next to me, my bed was a void waiting to be filled. I missed him; I really missed him. It would be fair to say that was somewhat surprising. But I couldn't wait to be home again, hugging him, punching him and annoying him while he cooked dinner.

I am so enraptured by him, that if he asked, I would spend the rest of my life researching, designing and building a machine which could transcend the clouds, steal the stars from the sky, and grind them into a fine biological washing powder to make his laundry whiter than white.

He's worth the money. He's worth the stress. He's worth the rising feel of panic. Our wedding is, and always will be about us, the 2 of us, together for the rest of our lives, pinching each other when we get bored, fighting over the TV remote, and gazing 'thoughtfully' at the shirtless men on the beach until one of us loses our eyesight and has to 'eye up men' using Braille. I want my happily ever after, I want my pet dog, and my evening strolls, and my cold nights in bed spent stealing the duvet. And I want my Fiancée; I want my Dan, I want the one person who has managed to be more important to me than the Simpsons, whilst still managing to increase my latent homophobia on a daily basis.

I want my husband.

And if it costs me all the money in the world, a mental breakdown, and a wedding day styled after Nightmare on Elm Street, I'll do it. I'll do it for him.

Because promising to be together, forever (or until one of us gets really fat) will be the Happiest Day of My Life.

At least until the honeymoon...


Angelika said...

Awwwww, that's so sweet.

In a cynical way...


Nice to see you back!!! :-)

Dale said...

I'm happy the post turned around to the fact that the wedding's about the two of you. I wish you only good things Mr. Part Time Cynic.

Jenn in Holland said...

Oh, this is just fabulous. I love it.
I remember wishing I could just cash it all in and elope 18 years ago. Because though the eclairs were nice and I do love the way the cake was presented, it's really not about the things on the wedding day is it? It's about the people and about celebrating the moment together. Whether or not the seating arrangements and napkins are perfect choices, it can still be a perfect day.

Jenn in Holland said...

I forgot to say, I left this for you at my blog yesterday. I hope you get a chance to see it!

Miss Elle said...

How romantic! That post made me all squishy inside... I've missed you!

xxx Miss Elle xxx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Aw, what a beautiful declaration of love! Dan's a lucky man. I did not enjoy my wedding, although I liked being married. I just should have married someone else. Trouble is, nobody else ever asked me.

When's the big day?

Linda said...

It's rather sad that in the midst of the headache of preparations for one's happiest day ever, one forgets what it is that one is supposed to be happy about. I'm so glad that you were able to remember why you're jumping through so many hoops and where you'll be landing at the end. Still - seems like there should be a simpler and easier way to get there, doesn't it?!?

Good luck and thanks for sharing that underneath the cynicism beats a heart of pure romanticism!

The Rock Chick said...

This is beautiful! You gave me goosebumps :)

Wedding planning can be rough. After my sister's elaborate wedding, I decided that I didn't want that. Fortunately, my hubby didn't really want all of that stuff either.

We had a traditional wedding ceremony, but then we just had a party without all the typical wedding formalities. We had a buffet style dinner and no seating charts. Everybody ate and we all just danced the night away.

When's the big day????? I'm very happy for you and Dan. You both sound like you have found someone wonderful!


The Freelance Cynic said...

Angelika - It's good to be back. Until I get bored again at least.

Dale - True, but ouch.

Jenn - Ohhh eloping. Now there's an idea. And thanks for the Kiss. :)

Elle - Sorry I left and made you sad!

Daphne - June 21st. I wonder if anyone will ask me before then...

Linda - Oh yes it's day. It's just a lo-ong way down.

Rock Chick - First time I've given a woman goosebumps in a long time.

Anonymous said...

you are too cute. Take lots of pictures and film as much as possible. I'm sure it's going to be a smashing party, even if it isn't the one you meant to plan.

Anonymous said...

While my wedding was unfolding before my eyes, I remember now that there was a minute when I was thinking "Oh God, why am I wearing this heavy gown?" and "Why are there programs after the rite?" I couldn't wait to see the last guest leaving, honestly. Heheh. I am hoping it's not too obvious in the photos though.

But your post is sooo sweet. BTW, I cam from Melanie's blog.

Melanie said...

I remember when we were planning our wedding- my parents offered to just give us the money for a down payment on a house, rather than spend so much on one day. But, I'm glad we did it (the wedding)- it was just perfect and full of wondeful memories. I'm sure yours will be too.
Livin' With Me

The Freelance Cynic said...

Pool - hmm, video footage of my nearest and dearest getting very drunk. What a scary thought.

Zam - Programs on the rite... what?

Melanie - Your parents actually offered you money! Good lord. That would solve everything.

xander101 said...

Aww bless, sorry it has taken so long to get round to reading this. Thank you :) And thanks for being there when I really needed you and realising that when I was snapping I was just snapping in general, not just at you!

Love You D

This blog has re-incarnated as
The Freelance Guru!

Click to be Redirected.