Wednesday, January 16

Si - kick

It is traditional, around this time of year, to do things that are bloody ridiculous. Amongst other things these include making new years resolutions, attempting to lose the Christmas pot belly, and getting the pine needles out of the carpet.
It is also tradition, around this time of the year, for psychics, in between scamming naive members of the public and choosing the wrong lottery numbers, to make their annual predictions.

And so, as yet another attempt to make myself famous, I got out my playing cards, shuffled them with the left, more psychic side of my body, and dealt out my predictions for 2008. However as all the cards predictions were along the lines of ‘the Queen of hearts will gain 10 Diamonds from a Black Knave,’ I put them away and just made up some predictions instead.

  1. A crop circle will appear near a Barn in Baltimore in the shape of a letter M, or possibly a W. Maybe an E. This will lead many enthusiasts to set up camp nearby and release countless books postulating about the letter’s meaning
  2. In the latter half of the year, much to everyone’s surprise, archaeologists will unearth evidence that suggests man once had 3 toes on each foot.
  3. The war in Iraq will continue unabated.
  4. We will find conclusive evidence that Alien life exists.
    This will later be proven false by scientists.
  5. Throughout 2008 this blog will raise it’s popularity until it receives an average of 25 comments per post.
  6. At least one reader of this blog will be E-mailed by a Nigerian millionaire.
  7. Weather patterns will continue to be disturbed in 2008, causing the UK to suffer the wettest summer of recent years. There will however, still be a hosepipe ban.
  8. The hosepipe ban will be ignored by all but the most loyal of UK Citizens.
  9. Religion will continue to suffer in 2008. However the alternative medicine market will peak in the middle of the year, when it will be announced that Chi has been shown to exist.
    This will later be proven false by scientists.
  10. A new Hobby Magazine will be released.
  11. People will finally begin to get bored of Facebook and stop bugging me to add on applications.
  12. The rapture will continue not to happen.
  13. There will be no major terrorist attacks in the UK or the USA this year.
  14. In August 2008 a cure will be discovered for cancer, and announced in big letters on the front pages of the Sun Newspaper.
    This will later be proven false by scientists.
  15. In the Olympics the UK will win at least 2 gold medals, both in events nobody cares about.
    Saddam Hussain will continue to remain Dead.
  16. Intelligent Design will be taken to court in the South West of America
  17. The person elected as president in 2008 will have a penis, possibly kept in a desk drawer.
  18. Old people will find it increasingly difficult to climb stairs.
  19. A reader of this blog will comment on this post, saying how brilliant they thought it was.
    This will later be proven false by scientists.
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12 comments:

Linda said...

Brilliant - in spite of what scientists might have to say!

I'd like to borrow this one myself - "People will finally begin to get bored of Facebook and stop bugging me to add on applications." Oh please!!!

Angelika said...

You ARE psychic!

I've already gotten the e-mail from the African Millionare.

Spooky.

Leia-Ann said...

Love your post, it's hilarious. Oh, and I got the African Millionaire e-mail as well! Where do they *find* me?

ally said...

A reader of this blog will comment on this post, saying how brilliant they thought it was.

you must've read my mind. you are really that good!

The Freelance Cynic said...

Two predictions down. 17 to Go! How will admit to finding stair climbing hard - Mr Fab?

The Rock Chick said...

oh, you're good!!! I think most psychics are only right like 10% of the time and I think you've already predicted like 2-3 of those correctly!!!

You should buy yourself a crystal ball and set up shop! :)

Love this post! It was brilliant! :)

Jessica

Melanie said...

You're quite good- excellent predictions!
Check out my new blog at Livin' With Me

zamejias said...

You are good! # is just a winner. So are 17 and 19! Hahaha. BTW, I had lots of emails coming from - not one but lots of millionaires of different nationality, you must have told them - or they must have read your mind. Whatever. Hahha

Sandy Carlson said...

So many of your predictions are already true! Just this morning I received word from a Nigerian Millionaire that he needs to borrow my bank account to continue his good work.

About the next president....

"A penis in the drawer is worth two in the..." Any predicitons?

The Freelance Cynic said...

SmSandy,
"A Penis in a drawer is worth two in a bush?" Especially if you're a lesbian...

carebear said...

haha that made me smile! i love it!

Angelika said...

You've been tagged.

This blog has re-incarnated as
The Freelance Guru!

Click to be Redirected.